Hello, my avid readers! (If there are any.)

 

I won't be using this site anymore. If you wanna read any of my word vomits, go to this => http://chaaarley.multiply.com

Though, maybe I'd still write here from time to time. Whatever. For now, I'd be majorly blogging in my multiply.

 

Sincerely, your frustrated writer,

Charley

 

P.S.

I will miss this site. Oh so many memories. Thank you, dear blog. I love you. I bid thee farewell and good night.

MATH 34 IS CONFIRMED.

This is a first. I hope it's my last, though. Damn. I have never felt anything like this before. I worked hard for this but still I got this... why? I don't get this. I'm trying my best, You know. I'm here and I'm bustin' my ass for You, too. Given that I still have my studies, I still find time for You. What do You freakin' want from me? I'm clinging tight to You... and still this. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to react. I don't know... I don't know. I didn't expect it to be like this. I'm speechless.

Damn. I'm so freakin' stupid. Kung 'di ko mapasa ang Math 17, paano pa kaya ang med school? I'm unbelievably (if there's such a word) stupid. I might as well just give up on it. I mean... am I this stupid that even God can't help me?

Ang labo eh... ang labo.

I'm still listening to 'Breathe.' It's just really taking everything in me. I really have to slow down. I wanna see my world in slow motion. I wanna sit back and look at the scenery... or the tragedy, even. I wanna breathe for crying out loud. I wanna freakin' breathe.

To *you*,

Thank you. You just don't know how great I feel whenever we talk. You make me feel like a kid again. I forget things when we talk. I forget life. And in those moments... I live.

Thank you 'cause you made me see that beautiful things can still happen. You're making me believe again. I'm getting there... not quite there yet, though, but you are helping.

Thank you because you understand me and that you appreciate me understanding you. You'll be my shock absorber and I'll be yours. You'll be my diary and I'll be yours, too. We'll get through this together.

Thank you 'cause I feel that you care. The simplicity of how you show it just blows me away. I hope you feel that I care, too.

Thank you 'cause you're you. Hope you'd feel the same way, too.

I don't assume. I know you know that. You told me yourself that I'm the type of person that won't suspect anything 'til something is told directly at my face. Thank you because you get this part of me. Thank you because you believe me.

Thank you 'cause you cushion me. Thank you 'cause you make me smile. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I don't assume but I'm not numb... neither am I dumb. i can get hints but I don't ever judge them 'cause they're nothing but mere... hints. Simply said.

I wish you'd say it directly at my face.

But hey... whatever. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't... then it doesn't. You just have to deal.

Whichever the case... I'll cradle your head with our hands together.

"...'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe...

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

Breathe - Anna Nalick

Char, you can do this. Just breathe. Just freakin' breathe and you'll get through this. It's not like it's the end of the world. It's not like your life's gonna end right at this moment. It's just academics for Christ's sake. You're just having a few bumps along the road. I don't wanna take Math 17 again but I guess I have to. I have never failed a subject ever in my life... but I guess everything has their firsts. Our finals was harsh. Well.. it was for me 'cause I studied the hard lessons and barely the easy ones. Unfortunately, the easy lessons were the ones that they used to formulate the exam. Since I barely studied them, I had no idea how to answer most of the questions. It really sucked. I felt really tired while I was answering the exam. I was thinking to myself.. 'Why now?' Hassle. It was such a drag. It just took everything in me to take it all in. Haaay.

I'm just really worried. Well... mom understands. I was touched with what she did after my exam. She brought me to school and sort of waited for me 'til I finished. I couldn't take the fact that I have a feeling that I failed. I forced all my tears in 'til I reached the car. I broke down. Then mom hugged me. She kept telling me...

"It's ok."

It's not. I know it's not. I hated it. I still hate it now.

I'm scared of what dad would say. I have a feeling that he's gonna rub it in. Breathe down my throat 'til it's marked in my forehead that I failed. I don't know. I just hate disappointing them. I hate that he'll definitely remember this.

I hate that I know that I'm beating my ass for this and still I don't get any credit.

I hate failing. I'm tired... really tired.

"...But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe..."

HELLO, MATH 34.